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Long time No Post

So last week my camera of 7 years up and died on me. Sad day. But then, I got a new one! Hooray!

These are some shots with the new camera from this morning waiting at the bus stop. And yes-it is still fall here! Mid November-no snow! Somebody commented that they may have seen some frost on the car windows but I didn't see it. Another lady at the bus stop was telling me it would be pretty cold tomorrow-highs in the 50's! Ha ha. I just laugh.

Also.....Florida.....3 weeks! Hooray!

Thoughts on Marriage

I had this thought today while I was listening to some financial advice on cd. When two people fall in love and get married it is like they look at a beautiful garden that represents their life and their marriage together. The beautiful garden is the marriage they see and hope for. Even if the two people come into that marriage fully understanding that they may not have a beautiful garden yet they truly believe that they have the tools and the maturity/passion/love/hope/and/or other valuable characteristics to make their marriage work. Well after the honeymoon phase of marriage I'd say that these life partners tend to look around at their garden and really begin to see where they really are. They are on opposite sides of the gardens, they don't have as many tools as they thought they did (if they can even perceive that they are missing some tools) and that it takes many MANY years of cultivating to look around and see a lush, green, full, beautiful garden. You don't always need tools to make it beautiful. Many people have used their bare hands to create a beautiful environment. But certainly it would be worth anyone's time to invest their time in creating less work for themselves and their partners. Some marriage tools might be communications skills or marriage seminars and even counseling. Other things that will help is a commitment to the garden. No matter how high the weeds are commitment is pretty important to the success of the garden.

I'm sure there will be times that you'll look at your parents and say 'it is so beautiful, how did they get it that way?!' (Maybe not your parents, maybe some other fantastic and successful couple) Or maybe you'll look at the weeds and the awful state of your parents garden and wonder how to move forward since you've never really had an example to work off of!

Whatever the case may be marriage is tough because everybody has a different looking lot with two different gardeners (who may not always agree). The gardeners often have a different plan for the lot and each is shaping the land and somewhere they run into problems (usually when children enter the picture) and they realize how different their views are.

It is amazing how two people in love can look at the future and see nothing but hope and excitement. The view is a little crooked because in reality marriage partners don't always brim over with excitement just at the mere presence of the other but there can be that peace and contentment that sometimes spills over into real joy when they're together.

Personally I love the time after a couple years when the spell has broken, after you realize all the work you have ahead of you, after you've come to terms with the work, and when the sprouts of the garden begin to poke their heads out of the dirt. That is hope to me. I have many years ahead before I see bushes or trees or even beautiful blossoms bloom but I know my work is beginning to pay off.

Virginia Beach

The view from the restaurant we ate at. I had a tuna steak. Isaac had a stuffed flounder. Both caught that morning! And hush puppies. They were amazing!!!
The drive out to the ocean. Sorry about the dirty windshield.
I love the green vines out here.


Hampton is on the way to the ocean.
That is part of one of the bay inlets. So ocean water there.
Driving down into a tunnel under the water.
Driving out.
Kenzie playing on the beach.
That's the ocean!
Chloe looking out. She had to pee.
Isaac had fun standing out in the waves.
Ocean again!
The girls would build mud piles and then they would get swept out by the waves. Oh yeah and there were jellyfish all over the beach but we were told these ones didn't sting....
The boardwalk.
At our restaurant.

Driving away from the ocean at the end of the day.
Sunset. It was a good day at the beach.

Pictures

Adventure

So Kenzie just told me her new expression for surprise...and disgust-Yikesy-Made me laugh. I say disgust because she said it after I blew my nose. sigh.

I was looking through my blogs yesterday and in the first year I blogged I wrote 25 blogs. The second was lower, and this year was 3. I felt kinda bad about that. Especially because I sincerely enjoy writing. And looking back I know exactly why I stopped writing. I started going to school on campus and it was really the most awesome thing I had done for myself in a long time. And two weeks later I dropped out. I was 3 months pregnant and I had a lot of good reasons to put it on hold but....I felt really depressed about it. I felt so alive when I was up there going to school. I felt like I had a life again and stories to tell. It felt amazing. For how amazing it felt going was how sad it felt dropping out. I didn't really come out of the depression funk as winter hit especially with all the impending new things coming our way. Baby due in March. Move to Virginia in April, New job, new place, new family! It felt like it was impending doom. It did work out better than I hoped. I went natural with the baby-something I've always wanted! Thanks to my wonderful doula, Treana, and my awesome husband. The move came and it was awesome too. Although I miss Utah terribly. And here I sit more than halfway through my husbands temporary station with a 4 month old baby, in Virginia. sigh. We made it.

And we're gonna keep up this crazy pattern of life for a while. After 2 weeks of being here Isaac came home and announced he had signed up for EOD school. That would be Explosive Ordnance School. They learn how to make and disarm bombs. Yeah. But I'm excited for him. I know it will be an area he'll enjoy learning about. This also means that we'll be in Virginia a little longer and then instead of Kansas we'll be headed to Florida. Yay! It is hard to be in a temporary setting but it has been an adventure. We've seen a lot of history out here and it has been pretty neat.

It also has been really great putting all my misconceptions about the East coast behind me and know what it really is like out here. At least in Virginia.

Because we are staying in Virginia a little longer Kenzie will be starting kindergarten here. I suppose either way she would have started school no matter where we were but now it feels a lot more real. My baby is starting kindergarten and I'm not ready!!!

So I got really off point about what I started into and that was why I stopped writing. Part of it was pregnancy depression. Most I should say. But it was set off by how slow my life suddenly became. I'm glad I stopped and slowed down to enjoy life before I left Utah but it is hard to go from super busy to not busy at all. And I didn't really feel like I had anything valuable to say anymore. Depression seems to do that. Make you feel like you don't add any value to anything. But it isn't true.

There is an avocado orchard in California that was started from one tree. The man who owned the tree had the most amazing fruit come from it even if he didn't at first realize it-he almost cut it down. So what he did was planted a whole orchard and then he would graft the branches of the original tree into the new plants and they would grow the same creamy avocados that the original grew. When he died in the 50's he had an 80 acre orchard from this one tree. This whole idea got me to thinking about how we all come from this amazing 'tree' and we have the ingredients in us for greatness. But. It is really is up to us to be that amazing creamy avocado or just another average one. No matter what you do it won't change your origins. We come from great stuff. The potential is there and that is why everyone will always have value. But what comes from us is what determines happiness. Is our fruit gonna be awesome or just average?

Some days I struggle with feeling that I'm doing a terrible job with my life and my responsibilities but that shouldn't ever change how I feel about my personal value. Believing that you're less won't ever help you accomplish more.

Who cares?

I care too much. The lady at the grocery store was staring at me. Or was she? I'm insecure about people thinking I'm crazy for having three small children...and I'm still planning on having more kids. M0aybe it bothers me because I don't like being judged by a stranger.(everyone for that matter) Maybe it bothers me because I too often feel inadequate as a parent. Whatever the reason it bothers me that some lady is eyeing me at the store it doesn't change the reality of the situation. I have no idea what that lady is actually thinking and even if I did....It doesn't matter. If I knew for a fact that she was staring at me and thinking horrible things (that I don't believe in birth control or I have zero control over my kids and shouldn't have that many, especially in public) it wouldn't have any bearing on my actual parenting. Maybe it would make me more aware that my kids are rowdy and knocking things over but it certainly wouldn't benefit me. It doesn't matter. There is no shortage of critics in the world. It is easier to observe and see what's wrong around you then to look inward and change the bad in our own circle of influence. So what can I do about that? Satan would have me believe that that woman in the store and everyone else around me is secretly in their head pointing and scorning me, laughing at my failures. But the reality is I don't know what is going on in the minds of those around me and I don't have to imagine that it is horrible. I can assume anything about people that look at me and if I'm going to assume anything I can put a positive spin on it! She must have been looking at me in jealousy. She wishes that she could look so confident juggling 3 small children. Or, she simply admires my confidence in coming out in public with so much working against me! And if I don't have the confidence to assume so much for myself I can always assume she was looking at someone or something else. The truth is we put our own spin on the world. We can see the world through glasses that make the world look inviting and friendly or mean and cold. It starts with a thought. I can think 'wow my kids are so loud and it is driving me crazy' or I can think 'wow, I remember being like this as a kid, it was so fun, I bet they're having fun'. I'm not saying being positive is easy but it starts small in our thoughts. Everyone is facing their own sadness or difficulty. We can be a martyr or a hero. We write our own lives. Think about your day and how your thoughts affect your actions.